Whackin' away at Borders...

So, today was my first official day off since I ended my summer gig at WIU. And I was enjoying it immensely…

I made time to get my oil changed in my car, run to the post office and place some overdue bills in the mail, and lovingly roam the aisles of Borders and shoppes in the mall in search of things I can’t afford to buy.

While at Borders, I realize I haven’t picked out audition material for WIU’s fall main stage season cattle call. What do I do? I raid the “drama” section of the store and do what every poor, self respecting actor would do; pirate and copy cool monologues from various new plays and play anthologies. In addition, I pick up a copy of David Sedaris’ Barrel Fever just for fun (if you haven‘t read it, please, do yourself a favor). Anyway… As I was sitting, sifting through pages of crap (literally), I notice, out of the corner of my eye, that someone is staring at me…

Perhaps it is a disgruntled store employee that has caught on to what I am doing. Perhaps it is some that knows me from somewhere.
Perhaps it is a distant relative that I have forgotten about (believe me it happens). Perhaps… ok, let’s just face the facts; they’re crazy. Ok. So. They’re staring at me for the longest time. Then they disappear. Odd… but I think nothing else about it because I am used to awkward crazy people (after all, I live in Macomb and my theatre company is in The District).

Moments later… I decide that I need to use the facilities. I go in and someone is at the urinal and so I go into the next stall. One stall over I hear that very recognizable sound of someone whackin’ it. Yep, someone was jerkin’ it in a Border’s. Wow. So, I immediately start laughing… and who wouldn’t? I mean, come on, who does that? I finish draining myself, come out of the stall, start to wash my hands (cuz I am a good little boy)… and guess who comes out of the stall. That’s right, the awkward man that was staring at me about five minutes before I walked into the bathroom. He comes out, red faced, and does not say a word. I just stare straight ahead because I know that if I do look at him I will laugh. And I will laugh hysterically. I finish washing my hands and I quickly dry them… and run out of the bathroom.

I then look for Adam Lewis (who I had seen maybe 15 minutes ago) because I need to tell someone this story. No luck, Adam is gone… but I notice the man is back in the café. This time, he is staring at someone else. I decide that this is really too good to miss. So, I have a seat and start watching this little carnival. Sure enough, after about 10 minutes or so, he retreats to the bathroom.

Now, I am not saying he went back in and whacked it again… but I am going to bet he probably did.