EMMY AWARDS

2006 EMMY AWARDS

(Disclaimer: I am feeling rather scattered today and I am going to my writing style and the format will be as well. Enjoy…)

I don’t really watch TV. Ever. By that I mean I don’t watch TV shows until they come out on DVD. Why? Two reasons: I don’t really have the time and my apartment has no cable (classically). Truth time: I hadn’t really planned on watching the coveted event nor had I planned on making any commentary however, I got an offer I couldn’t refuse. Well, ok, I could have refused it but what the hell else was I going to do on a random Sunday night? So, I went and while I still hadn’t planned on really participating as a critic or a faux entertainment columnist, I couldn’t help but make a few notes. Now, without further adieu…

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Let’s start with my disappointments, shall we?

LACK OF INFO
Ok, I really knew nothing about this past TV and MOW season. It’s really sad.

LOST. NOMINATIONLESS?
Let me first say that I am a huge fan of LOST. Though I have only seen a few episodes, I love this show just as much as FRIENDS. (Go ahead, insert the gay joke here) I plan on seeing the remainder of the 1st season within the next few weeks and will start the 2nd after that and play catch up with CJ this fall. Back to the point: I love this show. And why the fuck wasn’t it nominated? I am going to say it again… why the fuck wasn’t it nominated? This Emmy committee must be out of their fucking minds! Ok. Issue No. 1. Check. Issue No. 2? Matthew Fox for Best Actor in a Drama Series, anyone? Hello. Issue No. 3? Terry O’Quinn for the same? He’s a brilliant folks!

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CONAN?
There was about 30 minutes where Conan completely disappeared. It was rather awkward. It made me quite sad. I will get over it.
Conan, where did you go?

CHARLIES ANGELS?
I started to think they were going to kill Bob Newhart. They were soooooooo long winded and looked that they would rather die than pay homage to the late Aaron Spelling. That and Farrah Fawcett is fucking crazy, man! (Anyone see her on Shatner’s roast. Yikes.)

RAY, IS THAT YOU?
Holy. Shit. Man. Ray Liotta, what have you done with yourself? You looked awkward as hell. That is all.

MR. PRODUCER, DON’T CUT THEM OFF. Seriously DON”T Look, I realize you are under time constraints but come on; there is no reason to cut someone off during their speech. It’s extremely rude. I understand, yes, but really… Fuck. You. (Unless you’re going to give me a job someday… then I guess I say “way to go.”) Whatever.

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Some of my favorite things!

WHAT A HOST!
Conan was an excellent choice. Inspired, really. He really knows how to work a crowd and brings his own touch to this high profile soiree. Could he be an Oscar host contender? We’ll see.

NEWHART IN THE CAPSULE
And the award for “Best Long Running Joke on TV” goes to Conan and Newhart for their time capsule gag. It’s a very funny bit and it provided for many great lines throughout the night.

CLARK’S STANDING O!
Dick Clark’s standing ovation was well deserved. I mean, this dude has been in the business for years and is a true American icon. Despite the stroke effects, he stuck it out and gave a very nice little speech… and I will admit I had some little tears in my eyes when he finished. Well done, sir.

LITHGOW
John Lithgow, I love you. You make me feel warm and fuzzy. And not in a gay way. That is all.

AND MY TWO FAVOURITE QUOTES FROM THE NIGHT ARE…

“I lost to Barry Manilow!”
-Stephen Colbert

“I guess I have to thank Showtime even though they canceled us.”
-Blythe Danner

I also thoroughly enjoyed the jabs made by several presenters about the weak nominations process, people who should have / should not have been nominated, etc. This was VERY funny. Even funnier when I later learned that much of this was actually scripted. Ha!

Oh, and I really wanna see “My Name is Earl”… looks hysterical.

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As for my usual winner commentary, I will refrain from going to length about each one as I have done in the past for the Oscars and Tony Awards. Instead, I will mention just a few quick things. Cool?
*Jeremy Piven’s win for Supporting Actor, Comedy Series. Piven is terrific on that show, but I thought it should have gone to Hayes. It was W&G’s final season after all.

*Ellen Burstyn’s nomination for her 15 second role in HBO’s Mrs. Harris. What?

*Tony Shaloub. Ok, we get it; you are brilliant on Monk. Give the award to someone else! Like, oh, I don’t know… Steve Carell. Now Carell is a comic genius. You, Mr. Shaloub, are not.

*Colbert’s loss to Manilow. Wow. That’s all I have to say.


So, there it is… my official Emmy Awards commentary. Yep. I’m special.

It’s a good time.